Posted by on Aug 24, 2009 in Retranslation log | 2 Comments

Moderate spoilers for Luca’s Cosmosphere level 2, only partially mitigated by lack of context.

The biggest thing that struck me when reading back through level 2 was the number of lines that are overly abbreviated in the English version. While I approve of being clever with your wording and not using more words that you have to, the meaning has to come first. So here are the three most severe offenders from level 2, in my opinion.

Luca(0) :20:20: 
JP::完全な想いの産物の詩魔法は、どんな性格でどんな行動を
   取るかわからないから、セラピ空間では危なくて使えないから。
EN::The real magic born from their emotions could
   be dangerous to use for therapy.
NEW:When song magic's a result of complete feelings,
   you can't tell what personality it will have or
   what actions it will take, so it's too dangerous
   to use in the therapy space.

Here, the main idea still comes through just fine. Completely original magic is risky to use for therapy. However, the reasoning behind why it’s dangerous is completely lost.

Luca(0) :5:5: 
JP::無理してパラダイムシフト起こしても、今回みたいにかえって
   クロアに迷惑かけちゃうし。
EN::Even if I tried to make you happy, I couldn't
   like this time around.
NEW:Even if I force myself to have Paradigm Shifts,
   it's just going to cause you more trouble instead,
   like it did this time.

Here, it’s more difficult to grasp the intended meaning (and I think there’s a comma missing, too). More importantly, it’s unclear what exactly she means by “tried to make you happy” or why she “couldn’t” do it, and what exactly “this time” means is also a bit vague. The original is perfectly clear, though: She forced herself to have a Paradigm Shift, it made trouble for him, and doing it again would just cause him more trouble.

Goro(134) :40:40: 
JP::まあでも、階層が深くなって行くにつれて、そんな浅い
   ラブラブなんて出来なくなってくるのね。
EN::Anyway, it won't be like this once you
  go deeper.
NEW:But anyhow, as the strata get deeper,
  you'll be less and less able to do any
  shallow lovey-dovey stuff.

So… what won’t be like what, exactly? It’s not quite as bad in context, since the next line does mention flirting, but it still doesn’t get to the point. The point being that this “shallow lovey-dovey stuff” just won’t cut it much longer. As you advance deeper into the Soulspace, it becomes increasingly difficult to get anything done, and an increasingly deep connection is required. Superficial feel-good sorts of things won’t do any good.

Ah well, could be worse. At least most of the level still comes across well enough.

2 Comments

  1. Sirius
    September 1, 2009

    It’s like they translated half of the text in some places here. :/

  2. kensou77
    September 5, 2009

    reading the second and third examples again, those two seem like prime examples for altered character personalities… even if they didn’t mean to…

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