Posted by on Dec 24, 2009 in Retranslation log | 3 Comments

Serious spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere.

There are two completion ceremonies in Cloche’s Cosmosphere; one fake and one genuine. I am partway through translating the real one (which means I’m almost done with the whole Cosmosphere!) and it reminded me of the poor treatment of the false one.

The completion ceremony, one of the main goals of the Ar tonelico games, is supposed to be the most uplifting, deeply meaningful section of the entire Cosmosphere. It’s the culmination of hours upon hours of becoming spiritually entwined with the heroine. What a disappointment it must have been for people to have to dig through this text to find the sentiments it obscured. Here are some big, representative chunks of both ceremonies.

Level 7, at the fake ceremony.

(25) :2:2:
JP::完了の儀式というのは、貴方がクローシェの全てを見て、そして全てを受け入れたことを承認する儀式なの。
EN::Ending ceremony approves the fact that you have seen and accepted all of Cloche.
NEW:The completion ceremony recognizes that you have seen and accepted Cloche’s whole being.

(25) :3:3:
JP::それは、クローシェ自身と貴方の双方がその事を認め合うことで行われるわ。
EN::You can conduct it by both of you two agreeing to that fact.
NEW:It’s conducted by you and Cloche acknowledging that to one another.

(25) :5:5:
JP::しっかり完了すれば、貴方と彼女の絆はとても強くなる。その証となる詩魔法も紡げるの。
EN::If you complete it right, the ties between you two will be stronger, and you will acquire a magic to prove that.
NEW:If you complete it properly, the bonds between you will become much stronger. You’ll be able to craft the song magic that signifies it.

[…]

(25) :18:18:
JP::えーと…遂にこの時がやってきました。 クローシェは、幾多もの困難を乗り越え…
EN::Err… The time is finally here. Cloche has over come many obstacles…
NEW:Err… The time has come at last. Cloche has overcome many hardships…

(25) :19:19:
JP::えと、果てしないパラダイムシフトをし… ここまでたどり着きました。
EN::and um, provoked countless Paradigm Shifts… and finally got to this point.
NEW:…and um, performed countless Paradigm Shifts… and made it to this point.

(25) :28:28:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you pledge here today that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no lies?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Level 9, at the real ceremony.

(25) :8:8:
JP::貴方は、クローシェの全てを見て、全てを受け入れ、そして全てを許してここまでやってきました。
EN::You have seen and accepted everything about Cloche, and given her chances.
NEW:You have seen everything, received everything, and accepted everything of Cloche’s being.

(25) :9:9:
JP::ここ第9階層では、完了…すなわち今までの全てを承認する儀式を行っていきます。
EN::This floor represents the completion… in other words, we will conduct the ceremony for approval.
NEW:In this, the 9th stratum, the completion ceremony is performed… that is, the recognition of everything that has come to pass.

Croix(3) :10:10:
JP::完了? 全ての承認…?
EN::Completion? For approval…?
NEW:Completion? The recognition of everything?

[…]

Croix(3) :15:15:
JP::宝石がなにも無いな…。
EN::There is no jewels on it…
NEW:There isn’t a single jewel on it.

(25) :16:16: JP::そう。良く解ったわね。 この宝石を、これから貴方達2人で 集めてくるの。
EN::Good, you noticed. You two are going to go find the jewels to put on it from here.
NEW:You noticed. You two are about to go and collect the jewels for it.

3 Comments

  1. kensou77
    December 24, 2009

    そう。良く解ったわね。

    Yes. It’s good you noticed.

  2. kensou77
    December 24, 2009

    Yes. It’s good that you noticed.

    (sorry for double)

  3. Sirius
    December 28, 2009

    /me Skips spoilers and thanks for update.

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