Posted by on Dec 30, 2009 in Retranslation log | 8 Comments

Cloche’s Cosmosphere is complete at long last. Here is a smorgasbord of problems from the last two levels. Of course, some mild to severe spoilers are scattered throughout.

How can you perform in front of someone that is somewhere they need to be lured out of?

Cloche(1) :4:4:
JP::そうよ。
おもてなしするのなら、
やっぱり綺麗な音楽でご招待したいじゃない。
EN::Yes. We should lure them out by performing in front of them.
NEW:Yes, if we want to welcome them, what better way than with lovely music?

What.

Cloche(1) :17:17:
JP::貴方のお陰で、私は自らがしたいこと…自らが成すべき事を主張することの大切さを知ったわ…。
EN::I got to realize how important it is to know what I want to do, and to voice it out…
NEW:You showed me the importance of asserting what I want to… what I ought to accomplish.

NISA decided to change the name of one of Cloche’s personas, for some reason. Reisu became Reish, which is particularly confusing because Luca’s mother’s name is Reisha. Midorino became Ryokuya, which can be gotten phonetically from the same kanji 緑野, but the voice track makes it obvious. On level 3:

???(132) :18:18:
JP::クローシェ!?誰よそれ。
私はレイス。緑野麗珠よ。
EN::Cloche!? Who? I’m Reish. Reish Ryokuya.
NEW:Who’s Cloche? I’m Reisu. Reisu Midorino.

Ah, and the confusion with Reisha comes through at the end of the Cosmosphere. NISA themselves had Croix call Cloche’s persona by Luca’s mother’s name on Level 9:

Croix(3) :2:2:
JP::貴方は…麗珠さん…。
学園世界での歌…とっても上手でした。
また一緒にカラオケに行きましょう。
EN::You are… Miss Reisha… You were such a good singer. I would want to go to karaoke with you again.
NEW:You’re… Miss Reisu. The great singer from the school world. Let’s go to karaoke again some time.

Plenty of Japanese words have several English words that they could be translated as, depending on the intention. Here Cloche’s use of “important” makes it seem like she has some unimportant personas. No, she is just describing the way she feels about all of her personas: they’re precious.

Cloche(1) :5:5:
JP::貴方は私の大切な人格の1人…
『可能性』の資源を持つ人格よ…。
EN::You are one of my important personalities… You possess the “Possibility”…
NEW:You are one of my precious personas. You bear the trait of “Potential”.

Similarly, throughout the final level, the ceremonial greeting, acknowledgment, and thanking of the personas is called “approving”. This makes it seem like the personas are being judged somehow, or going through some bureaucratic process. The original word 承認 has a lot of possible translations, and “recognition” is much more appropriate.

(105) :6:6:
JP::…ありがとう…私を承認してくれて。
EN::…Thank you… for approving me.
NEW:Thank you… for recognizing me.

A case of not taking the previous line of dialogue into account.

Croix(3) :31:31:
JP::クローシェ様!まだ大丈夫ですよ!
EN::Lady Cloche! We can’t give up yet!
NEW:Lady Cloche! It’s still all right!

Cloche(1) :32:32:
JP::無理よ!
キュオールが出てこなければ…これ以上の
人格は復活できないのだから…
EN::I can’t! We can’t get all the personalities back without Cural…
NEW:It’s hopeless! Without Cural, we can’t bring back any more personas…

Another important word in the final level was translated as “invite”. While that is certainly the most common translation for 招待, it doesn’t make sense if you pay attention to the story. Croix and Cloche have to magically bring the personas from their homes, and when they arrive they are confused of where they are and how they got there. Clearly they weren’t invited, they were summoned.

(105) :1:1:
JP::…私…一体…
どうしてここに…
EN::…Why… why am I here…
NEW:Why… Why am I here…

Croix(3) :2:2:
JP::貴方にお礼を言うために、
この階層へ招待させていただいたのです。
EN::We’ve invited you here to give you our appreciation.
NEW:We’ve summoned you to this stratum to thank you.

“That’s true.” Disgraceful.

(105) :3:3:
JP::私が元凶なのに…
此の私という存在を消し去ってしまった元凶なのに…私にそんな資格…ありません…。
EN::I’m the root of everything… I was the one who destroyed myself… I don’t… deserve this…
NEW:But it’s all my fault…. I’m the one who erased the existence known as “me”…. I don’t… deserve thanks.

Croix(3) :4:4:
JP::そんなこと有りません。
貴方はとても格式高く、誉れ高い存在です。
EN::That’s true. You are a very
traditional, and proud person.
NEW:That’s not true. You are very dignified and honorable.

NISA loves to use “you guys” for 貴方達, regardless of how inappropriate such a familiar form of address is for the situation.

(105) :3:3:
JP::私なんて、破壊するだけし尽くして、何も生んでいないのに…何故私にお礼なんか。
もしかしてお礼って…
EN::I didn’t do anything but to destroy… Appreciation… Are you guys actually going to…
NEW:I have done nothing but eradicate. I have provided nothing. Why would you thank me? Unless by “thanks” you actually mean…

“Courage to get … and accepting it”. It’s painful for me to see this sort of sloppy speech attributed to Chroche Leythal Pastalie.

Cloche(1) :5:5:
JP::貴方が勇気を出して触れてくれた辛い過去の傷は、今の私にとってとても大きな価値になっています…。ありがとう。
EN::Your courage to get in touch with the painful past and accepting it is very valuable to me… thank you.
NEW:Your courage to touch the painful wounds of the past is of great value to me now. Thank you.

The completion ceremony wasn’t just poorly translated. It was poorly translated in two different ways, like the flashbacks in level 6-R.

Level 7:

(25) :28:28:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you pledge here today that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no lies?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Level 9:

(25) :19:19:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you hereby solemnly swear that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no deceptions?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Complete meaning breakdown:

(25) :67:67:
JP::これは、自分自身への大きな自信へと繋がるわ。そうすると、今まで出来なかった大きな事を成し遂げることが出来るようになる。
EN::This will lead to having great confidence toward the future. I will be able to do something you could not.
NEW:This will grant you great confidence in yourself. And that leads to the ability to accomplish great things you never could before.

Le sigh. NISA decided to change Infel Phira, a crucial entity in the game, to Infel Pira. There’s no clear reason for this, and like other changes (“Trulyworth”), it corrupts a Hymmnos word with a real meaning. Fine. But they also didn’t consistently translate it, so that in places, it become “Pillar”, a completely unrelated and inapt English word.

(25) :5:5:
JP::クローシェはI.P.D.だから、詩魔法サーバーは『インフェル・ピラ』。
EN::Cloche’s Magic Server is called “Infel Pillar”, since she is an I.P.D.
NEW:Because Cloche is an IPD, her Song Magic Server is Infel Phira.

(25) :6:6:
JP::彼女が謳う時その力は、空に浮かぶあの
『インフェル・ピラ』から送られてくるの。
EN::She receives her power from that floating Infel Pillar when she sings magic.
NEW:When she sings, the power comes from Infel Phira, floating in the sky.

This is wrong.

(25) :7:7:
JP::今までクローシェは、その送られてくる力で自分の魔法を具現化しているに過ぎなかった。
EN::Cloche’s magic was being controlled by the power she received.
NEW:So far, Cloche has only been using that power to manifest her own magic.

(25) :8:8:
JP::でも、今から行う儀式は、その『インフェル・ピラ』を直接制御出来るようにするのよ。
EN::We will conduct a ceremony now, so that she can control the power herself.
NEW:But the ceremony we are about to perform will allow her to control Infel Phira directly.

(25) :9:9:
JP::そうすることで、インフェル・ピラ自体を、強力な詩魔法として使うことが出来るようになるわ。
EN::That way, she will be able to fully utilize the Infel Pillar.
NEW:Then, she will be able to use Infel Phira itself as an extremely powerful Song Magic.

Wouldn’t have be able indeed.

Croix(3) :5:5:
JP::…何にしても、助かった。
お前の力が無ければ、ここまで来る事は出来なかったよ。
EN::…Either way, you did save me. I wouldn’t have be able to be standing here without you.
NEW:Either way, you saved me. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it this far.

One of the greatest disappointments of the localization of Cloche’s Cosmosphere was how often Infel’s gloriously awful puns went completely ignored, while the reactions to them were left in place. One of the greatest joys, though, was coming up with equally awful puns that work in English. To have such a challenging one at the end of level 9 was like a little parting gift from the Soulspace to me.

(25) :8:8:
JP::今だから言うけど、ここまで壮絶なコスモスフィアって、なかなか類がないわよ。
EN::I can tell you this now, but you will not see a Cosmosphere like this.
NEW:I can tell you now, this Cosmosphere was monumental like not too many are.

Croix(3) :9:9:
JP::…そうなのか!?
EN::…Really!?
NEW:Really!?

(25) :10:10:
JP::ええ。私が動揺するくらいは、ハンパじゃなかったわ。
EN::I hardly ever panic like I did.
NEW:Yeah, if it’s enough to shake me, it’s really something.

Croix(3) :11:11:
JP::そうか…。
そうだよな…随分と苦労したもんな…。
EN::I see.. You’re right.. It was a lot of work…
NEW:I see. You’re right, though, it was quite a struggle.

(25) :12:12:
JP::ま、そうね。
クローシェとクロアだけに、クロウも
ひとしお…って感じ?
EN::Yes, Croix and Cloche, you guys are full of trouble…
NEW:Yep. By the close, I was pretty shaken… Close, shaken. Clo-che.

Croix(3) :13:13:
JP::…。
EN::…
NEW:…

(25) :14:14:
JP::な、何よ!!
EN::W, what!
NEW:W- what!

Croix(3) :15:15:
JP::…最後の最後で、大ダメージを喰らったな…。
EN::…That was pretty painful…
NEW:You saved the absolute worst for the very end…

8 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    December 30, 2009

    That “Reish” was confusing me all the way to the end (-_-)

  2. anon
    December 31, 2009

    関心関心。ミスが全くありません。 頑張って、応援してます。

  3. Anonymous
    December 31, 2009

    “Let’s go to karaoke again some time.”

    “Let’s go karaoke again some time.”

    I think this works better.

  4. fetjuel
    December 31, 2009

    Really? I guess it depends on what part of speech you consider “karaoke” to be. In the dialect I grew up with, karaoke was definitely a noun that you you “go to” or “do”. In Japanese, it’s usually カラオケに行く, definitely treating it as going to a place.

  5. kensou77
    December 31, 2009

    in cantonese it’s also different in

    “Let’s sing K”

    -or-

    “Let’s go sing K”

    K also comes from the ke in karaoke since with canto pronunciation, it becomes ka ra oh kay, as in OK..

  6. Anonymous
    January 2, 2010

    Well, if you want to use it as a noun, I think “karaoke bar” would be more appropriate then because that’s where karaoke sessions are usually held at.

  7. fetjuel
    January 3, 2010

    Ah, I don’t know if you played through that particular level, but the place where they go is not a bar. It’s a Japanese-style karaoke “box” place.

  8. kensou77
    January 3, 2010

    yup, as far as i know, asians all have karaoke rooms (personal rooms)

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