Posted by on Jun 27, 2011 in Retranslation log | 4 Comments

First, in event introductions:

Cloche:
JP:  あ、クロア!も、もう…来るならこんな遅い時間に来なくても、もっと早く…い、いえ、
   何でも無いわ。
EN: Croix! You didn't have to visit this late. You should have
   come earlier...or not at all.
NEW: Oh, Croix! G-good grief... if you're going to come, you
   should come earlier, not at such a late... n-no, it's nothing.

The EN sounds like she’s still being hostile, or at least fussy over when he visits. What actually happens looks more like she starts to object on principle, then decides she doesn’t really mind after all and drops the objection.

There’s also an unused line, probably a leftover from the first game’s Level E.

Cloche:
JP:  このレベルは無いみたいよ。早々に立ち去りなさい。
EN: There is no level here. Now leave.
NEW: This level does not seem to exist. Leave at once.

Incidentally, Luca has one too, and hers is more interesting:

Luca:
JP:  あ、クロア。今作はこのレベルは無いんだって。あはんうふんしたかったのに
   残念だねー。
EN: Apparently they don't have this level right now. Too bad
   'cause we could've...you know what.
NEW: Hey, Croix. I hear this level isn't in this game. It's
   too bad, I wanted to... you know.

Moving on , here are some samples from the conversations:

Cloche:
JP: とにかく、今後はこういうことがないように気をつけなさい!
   また何か思うことがあった時は、こうして話をしますから覚悟しなさい。
EN: Anyway, don't let it happen again, okay?
   If the same thing happens again, I'll lecture you like
   I just did. Be ready for that.
NEW: In any case, take care that no such thing happens in the
   future! If I think of anything else, I will have words with
   you like this again, so be prepared for it.

Croix:
JP: (えらいことになったなぁ……)
EN: (Oh, my...)
NEW: (This has turned into a real mess...)

This is from her very first talk topic. She needs to sound pretentious and bossy for it to have the proper impact. This says a lot about her characterization early in the game: “I just chewed you out over something that’s not really a big deal. I’ll do it again if I think of anything else, too, so you’d damn well better be ready for it.” Croix, meanwhile, starts to realize what he’s gotten himself into.

Croix:
JP: 聞く耳持たない辻斬りを相手にするのと同じでしたよ。
EN: It was the same as dealing with a bandit who jumps on
   you without saying a word.
NEW: It was like dealing with an uncaring villain bent on
   testing a newly-forged sword blade on me.

Somehow, though, Croix still manages to speak his mind when it matters. He isn’t terribly happy about what happens in his first attempted Dive, especially when Cloche starts accusing him of trying to do something improper to her in her Cosmosphere, so he responds with this bit of witty metaphor. 辻斬り refers to trying out the edge on a new sword, or simply testing one’s skill, against a random passerby on the roadway. Apparently it was once a common enough problem to warrant specifically banning the practice. In short, he’s found a (relatively) polite way to say she acted like a murderous psychopath.

Croix:
JP: そういえば、ぺぺんべいのことですけど……。
EN: By the way, regarding that Pippencuit...
NEW: Come to think of it, about Pepenscuits...

Cloche:
JP: ……なにそれ?
EN: ...What in hell is that thing?
NEW: ...What are those?

That one was both awkwardly phrased and out of character. Sad, really.

Cloche:
JP: 御子なのがバレた時よりも、そのフォローの方がキツかったわ。
EN: What you said was worse than Cocona's revelation.
NEW: What came after was worse than when she found out
   I was the Maiden.

Here, we have a line that has nothing to do with what Croix said (he barely speaks in the relevant scene) and absolutely nothing to do with Cocona (who isn’t even in the scene referenced). Sometimes I wonder if the translators, and any underpaid overworked proofreaders they may have had, were banned from referring to other parts of the game text.

Cloche:
JP: ルカって、もしかして物凄くだらしなかったりするのかしら?
EN: Doesn't Luca normally wear dirty outfits?
NEW: Would Luca happen to be an exceptionally messy person?

This has everything to do with general tidiness, and is only vaguely related to outfits.

Cloche :3:32948:
JP: ……ああ、教皇の間のあれね。
EN: ...Ah, that throne in the Pope's hall?
NEW: ...Oh, you mean the one in the throne room.

Going out of the way to mention the Pope in English is probably more confusing than helpful, even though the word is there in Japanese. 教皇の間 (which is literally “Pope’s hall” or something very similar) is a derivation of 王の間 (“King’s hall”), which is simply called a “throne room” in English. Since a throne is still a throne whether a king or a pope sits upon it, there’s no reason to call the room anything unusual.

Croix:
JP: (そういうのが好きな人もいるんだが……)
EN: (I personally know someone who loves ghosts.)
NEW: (Actually, some people love that sort of thing...)

It’s funny how generalities sometimes turn into specifics for no reason.

Croix:
JP: 随分早くルカと仲直りしたみたいですね。
EN: You and Luca seem to have reconciled. That was so soon.
NEW: You and Luca seem to have reconciled remarkably quickly.

Cloche:
JP: 仲直りも何も、ケンカというところまで行ってないもの。
EN: Well, you haven't fought, so you don't need to reconcile
   in the first place.
NEW: There was nothing to reconcile. After all, we didn't go
   as far as fighting.

The dispute was clearly between Luca and Cloche, so why would Croix need to reconcile anything?

Croix:
JP: さーしゃ、随分と元気になりましたね。クローシェ様、一体何をしたんですか?
EN: Sasha, you look fine. What did you do for her, Lady Cloche?
NEW: Sasha was much more cheerful. What did you do, Lady Cloche?

Since when is Sasha in the bedroom or tent with them when they’re talking at night? That’s a bit creepy…

Cloche:
JP: ジャクリも同じようなコスモスフィアだけど、やっぱり、
   ああいうのって練習とかすれば出来るようになるのかしら?
EN: Jacqli's Cosmosphere is still somewhat similar to ours.
   I wonder if I can train to make such a world as hers?
NEW: Jakuri has a Cosmosphere much like it as well.
   Could that mean it's possible to do that sort of thing
   through practice?

Jakuri’s Cosmosphere is similar to Frelia’s Binary Field, not to Cloche and Luca’s Cosmospheres.

Croix:
JP: ……けど、なんか悪人って言うよりはなんていうか。
EN: ...But anyway, she is more than just an evil girl...
NEW: ...But she's not so much a villainess as a... how should
   I put it?

Cloche:
JP: 言葉の悪い不良娘、って感じの方が強いわよね。
EN: Yeah, she's more an unfriendly delinquent girl.
NEW: She gives a stronger impression of being a badmouthed
   juvenile delinquent.

You can probably guess who this is talking about. Wouldn’t they be surprised if the knew about some of the things she did…

Croix:
JP: けど実際問題、100人まで行くとは思いませんでしたよ。
   100人の魔法で攻撃される敵も、なんとなく哀れに思えてくることありますし……。
EN: But as a matter of fact, I didn't think they would get any
   more than 100 members. I feel rather bad for those enemies
   who get attacked by more than 100 Reyvateils with their
   powerful magic.
NEW: But the fact of the matter is that I never expected it
   would go as far as a hundred members. I almost feel sorry
   for the enemies being attacked with magic from a hundred
   people...

No one says anything about going beyond one hundred.

Cloche:
JP: で、でも、サイズが合わなくて着れなかったのよ。
EN: But, it was too small at the chest. I had to give up...
NEW: B-but the size was all wrong and I couldn't wear it...

While it’s possible that it’s what she means, there’s no mention of her chest.

Cloche:
JP: べ、別に変な意味じゃなくて!ただ、えっと……。
   ……どうせ寝るだけなんだから、ここで寝ても問題は無いかなって……。
EN: I didn't mean that! I just...
   ...We're just going to sleep and that'll be all.
   I was wondering if you would mind if I slept here with you...
NEW: N-not in any funny way! But, um...
   ...As long as you're going to bed anyway, there's no
   problem if you sleep here...

First, she’s protesting in advance that she doesn’t mean what she’s about to say in any sexual way, not taking back something she already said. Second, they’re in Cloche’s room, so it would be him sleeping here with her, not her sleeping here with him.

And finally, here’s part of the conversation voted most likely to prompt Croix to just give up and quit the Knights while he still has some dignity left:

Cloche:
JP: ……まさか、変な趣味があって避けられてるとかじゃないでしょうね?
EN: ...Is it because you have some kind of perversion and
   they're all avoiding you?
NEW: ...It couldn't be that you have deviant interests that
   cause you to be avoided, could it?

Croix:
JP: 俺をどういう目で見てるのかは知りませんが、そういうことじゃありませんから……。
EN: I don't know what you think of me as, but that's not the case.
NEW: I'm not sure how you see me, but it's nothing like that...

Cloche:
JP: じゃあどうしてなの?女性嫌いとか?それとも、あのココナちゃんみたいな
   小さい子じゃないとダメだとか?
EN: Then why? Are you immune to girls? Or, can you only function
   in the presence of a young girl, like Cocona?
NEW: Why, then? Perhaps you dislike women? Or perhaps you need
   her to be a little girl, like that Cocona?

Croix:
JP: ……パートナーのことはさておき、まずはその勘違いのことから話しませんか?
EN: ...Before we talk about a partner, why don't we talk about
   this misunderstanding you have about me?
NEW: ...Could we set aside the question of a partner and first
   discuss your misunderstandings about me?

Poor Croix. First Cloche suggests that he has some kind of disturbing fetish that scares off potential Reyvateil partners, then she questions his sexuality and practically accuses him of being a pedophile. On the other hand, I have to wonder what it says about her that she tends to imagine a perverted explanation whenever she doesn’t understand something. Croix has no partner? He must have some weird sexual kink. Luca’s a Dive Therapist? That’s obviously just a fancy name for a whore. Croix gets kicked out when he Dives? Clearly he must have tried something inappropriate. And so on…

4 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    June 27, 2011

    That one was both awkwardly phrased and out of character.

    Official translators love this. Ar tonelico 3 is full of those AFAIR.

  2. Sirius
    June 28, 2011

    Thanks for another update!

    “That one was both awkwardly phrased and out of character.”

    That happens when you don’t know/care much about what exactly you’re translating,.

  3. Ingram
    July 3, 2011

    Thanks for the update. A nice read. You guys really give me hope.

  4. Qpax
    July 5, 2011

    Yay! New update and translation progress is going better than I thought! I can’t wait to see next update. Keep up with good work and you guys are the best! \p/

Leave a Reply